Alien Apocalypse (2005)

SYNOPSIS: A cocky Bruce Campbell returns to earth after a 40-year cryogenic space nap to discover the earth has been enslaved by giant termites. In a desperate time ruled by head-chomping bugs that spew green crap, can one brave hero lead a not very bright world to freedom?
HIGHS: Space suite conga. Poor Man's Willie Nelson (PMWN) - only 35 but with a face of a 60-year old.
LOWS: Freedom fist pump with feeling! Budget was spent before wig/beard purchasing.
MEMORABLE LINES: Doctor "Look - you're not even that short. You don't qualify as a dwarf or a midget!" Head Termite "Human heads are our favourite delicacy, next to wood." PMWN "Every time you try to escape, they cut off a finger." Bruce "You lose any more and you'll be scratching your ass with a wooden spoon." Old Man "The president lives. I've spoken with a guy who knows someone who's seen him." Bearded Dude "But you're a Doctor!" Doctor "That's right, and your stupidity is terminal."

Sammy: 2/10
Johnny: 3/10
Sian: 1.5/10

Land of the Dead (2005)

SYNOPSIS: Zombies are taking over the world! They are getting smarter, organized, and hungry.
HIGHS: Take your picture with Zombies! Zombie paintball target practice. Canada is obviously the only place to go.
LOWS: Dead becoming Zombies with compassion - and power tools!

Sammy: 5/10
Ann: 6.5/10

Jeepers Creepers (2001)

SYNOPSIS: Two teens are almost run off the road by a maniac. Later, they decide to stop and investigate a creepy scene of said maniac, and discover a grisly reality.
HIGHS: Bumper Stumpers - GA-FEVER and BEATINGU. It has wings!
LOWS: Slow walker Justin Long - that's why he's not in the sequel.
MEMORABLE LINES: Diner Lady "He was sniffing your laundry. Big handfuls of it. And looked like he liked what he smelled."

Sammy: 5/10
Johnny: 4/10
Sian: 7.5/10

The Night Evelyn Came Out of the Grave (1971)

SYNOPSIS: A wealthy nobleman suffers a breakdown after his cheating Ginger wife dies - only to have her return and haunt his new castle.
HIGHS: Some sweet Italian elevator music. Crazy dancing Ginger - blow those candles out! A hooking Ginger, a crazy dancing Ginger and an I Dream of Geni Ginger!
LOWS: A poor-man's Columbo. Tugging on Ginger's hair to ensure it's real. Ouch!
MEMORABLE LINES: Naked Ginger "Pity I don't have any of my nighties with me." PM Columbo "Maids all look alike. They're blondes." Evil Ginger is poisoned "Pour me some more, George."

Sammy: 1.5/10
Johnny: 1/10
Sian: 1/10
Polly: 1/10

Messiah of Evil (1973)

SYNOPSIS: When the moon turns red, regular folks turn to flesh-eating zombies. It can only mean one thing - the Messiah of Evil has returned! Starting a young Joy Bang.
HIGHS: "The Albeeno". Birth of the Blue Man Group.
LOWS: Features the banging track "Hold On to Love" by Raun MacKinnon
MEMORABLE LINES: Tom "You buy a woman some shoes and then they walk out on you." Old Man "Don't be afraid. I'm an ugly old man, but I'm harmless." Tom "There is something you can do for me. My zipper is stuck... on my vest." then "You don't just unzip a man and say good night."

Sammy: 1/10
Johnny: 2/10
Sian: 5/10

Haunting of Winchester House (2009)

SYNOPSIS: When a young family moves into a mansion, their daughter is kidnapped by sinister spirits and discovers why the house is "one" of the most haunted places in America.
HIGHS: Poor Man's Megan Fox gets tree-ed. Some sweet Converse All Stars on display. Fake book wall paper! Harrison Dent - Paranormal Investigations
MEMORABLE LINES: Lady "Do you know what squirrels do? They bite your nuts." Dude "If he messes with our daughter, then he's definitely going to be talking to ghosts... in person." Lady "What are they?" Dude "They're victims of winchester rifles." Harrison Dent "The clue isn't the trees... it's the forest."

Sammy: 0/10
Johnny: 1/10
Sian: 1.5/10
Halina: 2/10
Ann: 1/10
Alek: 1/10

Susperia (1977)

SYNOPSIS: Suzy goes to perfect her mad ballet skillz at the most prestigious ballet school in Europe. Equipped with blind piano player.
HIGHS: Music by "Goblins". Raining maggots. Sweet interior design.
LOWS: None - we were mesmerized by the visuals.
MEMORABLE LINES: Madamme Blanc "He's my nephew - I'm very attached to him."

Sammy: 8/10
Sian: 9/10
Halina: 9.2/10

Silent Hill (2006)

SYNOPSIS: Rose flees with her child to the deserted town of Silent Hill (aka Brantford!) in search of answers and discovers it's unlike anywhere she's ever been.
HIGHS: Crazy miners with a canary. The beetle has a face! The old knife in the boot trick.
LOWS: How can you have a female biker cop in leather pants and NOT have any hot lesbian action?
MEMORABLE LINES: Lady "Fuck you, stupid cop." Husband "I felt her... perfume." Creepy Religious Lady " Look a this map. Memorize it."

Sammy: 5/10
Johnny: 4/10
Sian: 3/10
Polly: 4/10
Dimmy: 5/10

The Hunger (1983)

SYNOPSIS: Vampire is a word you won't hear in this vampire movie! Instead they collect souls and lovers.
HIGHS: Nothing says hot like an angry monkey.
LOWS: Bowie not in space, just old.
MEMORABLE LINES: Poor man's Snoop Dog "That's a 2,000 dollar monkey you're talking about."
NOTE: They did not say vampire even once. Well played.

Sammy: 3/10
Johnny: 3/10
Sian: 3/10

Troll (1986)

SYNOPSIS: "That's one strange movie." said Sam as the trailer played. Trolls transforming an apartment building into their natural fairy habitat as they destroy everyone in their path. Features a hawt Sonny Bono.
HIGHS: The midget drinks G&T! The trolls sing!
LOWS: Sonny Bono, swinger.
MEMORABLE LINES: "My name is Harry Potter, and I review books." Sam "Like the troll can read." Kid "My name's Harry Potter Jr."

Sammy: 1/10
Johnny: 1/10
Sian: 2/10

End of the Line (2007)

SYNOPSIS: A young psychiatric nurse boards the last subway of the evening when suddenly her nightmare begins! A mysterious cult decides the only way to save the lives of the living is to kill them in cold blood.
HIGHS: "YAB" subway station (Bay in Toronto backwards!) Knife to the T-R-O-A-T.
LOWS: Brothers, sisters hear the voice...
MEMORABLE LINES: Assistant Director "There were no pie-in-the-sky dreams on this film... like sniffing cocaine off the asses of hookers." FX Guy "I had to track the shots with a tree-dee tracker."

Sammy: 7/10
Johnny: 5/10
Sian: 7/10

Tales from the Dark Side (1990)

SYNOPSIS: Brace yourself for some killer stories featuring a modern-day witch, an evil mummy and a cat from hell - in this cult classic, fear comes in 3's.
HIGHS: Sian likes the short shorts. Julianne Moore gets stuffed - with flowers. A young "hot" Steve Buscemi.
LOWS: Who doesn't wear a mock turtle neck with some sweats. Mummy says "Duh"
MEMORABLE LINES: Sian "Is that the mummy?" Sam "No, it's Steve Buscemi."
NOTE: When stuffing a mummy, always use onions.

Sammy: 1/10
Johnny: 2/10
Sian: 3/10

Demons 2 (1986)

SYNOPSIS: The story continues! A birthday girl is transformed into a vicious demon. Uncut, uncensored and unrated!
HIGHS: Who doesn't have a neon sign that says "Night" in their place? Demon doggie. Baby Demon - OMG he jumps!
LOWS: Waiting for Jacob - 46 minutes and counting. Police Mini-bus.

Sammy: 1.5/10
Johnny: 1/10
Sian: 1/10

Jennifer's Body (2009)

SYNOPSIS: Rather than completely succumbing to a satanic ritual sacrifice, Jennifer becomes possessed by a demon. In order to survive, she proceeds to eat her way through some of the boys at school. Her best friend Needy figures it out and the movie comes to a head with their confrontation.

HIGHS: Interesting premise for a movie - we haven't seen anything like this before.

MEMORABLE LINES: Jennifer "You're lime green jello and you can't admit it." and "Sandbox love is forever." Teacher "Put aside your teenage concerns like who's a cool dude and who's a ho."

Sammy: 7/10

Johnny: 6/10

Sian: 7/10

Thirst (2009)

SYNOPSIS: A priest submits himself to a seemingly fatal medical experiment. Rather than dying, he has an unexpected reaction - turning into a vampire! This bizarre film is full of beauty, gore, sadness, perverse sexuality, and several twists and turns.
HIGHS: Toe & foot fetish! Arm-pit love! (You haven't lived until you've licked a pit!)
LOWS: The fact that this epic film was over two hours long.
MEMORABLE LINES: Lady "She was an orphan. I raised her like a daughter and a puppy." Kang Woo "She's a yheti" Subtitles " Both moaning." and "Sizzling." and " Both crying out." Priest "Cut off the ankles and hang them over the tub. We can put the rest in tupperware and keep them in the freezer." and "Let's give Mrs. Ra our positive energy - oasis-style."

Sammy: 8/10
Johnny: 6/10
Sian: 8/10

A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984)

SYNOPSIS: Young Johnny Depp stars in a timelss shocker featuring some mind bending special effects, this film gave birth to one of cinema's most infamous villans in history - Fred Kreuger.
HIGHS/LOWS: Our jaws were too dropped to pen any of these.
MEMORABLE LINES: Hairy Man " You commin' back to the sack or what?" Tall Dude "Up yours with a twirling lawn mower." Nancy " God, I look like 20 years old!" EMT "We don't need a stretcher up there. We need a mop."

Sammy: 6/10
Johnny: 5/10
Sian: 7/10

Child's Play aka Ginger Satan (1988)

SYNOPSIS: Crazed serial killer places his soul in a children's toy and continues his rampage of terror as Chucky!
HIGH/LOW: Auntie Maggie bites it despite her shoulder pads and perm.
MEMORABLE LINES: Maggie "I just had a bit of the alone at night willies." Director Tom Holland "This is probably the most sophisticated puppet movie ever done."

Sammy: 6/10

Johnny: 5/10

Sian: 5/10

Halina: 7/10

Carrie (1976)

SYNOPSIS: Young John Travolta bullies a crazy chick with psychic powers who goes crazy in a totally crazy way.
HIGHS: Too many to list?

LOWS: John Travolta kills a pig!
MEMORABLE LINES: Chris "Stupid shit!" Young John Travolta (YJT) "Don't call me that!" Sammy " That Brian DePalma is so crude - slow mo full frontal nudity! Holy bush batman!" YJT "You're crazier than a son-of-a-bitch" Momma " Go to yo' closet and pray!" and "After the blood comes the boys, like sniffin' dogs." and "The stink of filthy road-house whisky on his breath. And I liked it."

Sammy: 4/10
Johnny: 3/10
Sian: 7/10
Halina: 5/10

An American Haunting (2005)

SYNOPSIS: The Bell Witch haunting is the only recorded case in U.S. history where a spirit or entity has caused the death of a human being.
HIGHS: Horse carriage cart wheel - very bad ass!

MEMORABLE LINES: Young Teacher " I asked it why had it come? Why wouldn't it answer?" and "It's true. There is noone for a day's ride as comely as your daughter." Sian Nelson "But wait! She can't re-live that future."

Sammy: 5/10

Johnny: 4/10

Sian: 7/10

Halina: 5/10

Ann: 4.5/10

Alek: 6/10