Midnight Meat Train (2008)

SYNOPSIS: Struggling photographer Leon pursues the gruesome subway murderer while obsessing over dark subject matter.
HIGHS: Bradley Cooper climbing the meat. Those are some sweet resume skills! Meat Market man bought some candy. Who knew?
LOWS: Squishy eyeball scooper.
MEMORABLE LINES: Kung-Fu Black Dude "Life is like a box of chocolates."
NOTES: May be the first motion picture hero named Leon. Must look this up. Might be the most gory movie we've seen to date. Gross at times, but interesting.

Sammy: 6/10
Johnny: 4/10
Sian: 6.5/10

Drag Me to Hell (2009)

SYNOPSIS: When a woman evicts an elderly woman from her house, Christine becomes victim of an evil curse and is left with only 3 days to dissuade a dark spirit from stealing her soul.
HIGHS: Flying dentures, Goat sacrifice - Goat rampage, projectile nose bleeding - Boss "Did any get in my mouth?"
LOWS: None, unless we give a shout-out to the Mac Guy. And I could smell the ending a freakin' MILE AWAY.
MEMORABLE LINES: Surprisingly, none! That's a good thing.

Sammy: 8/10
Johnny: 6/10
Sian: 8/10

Cabin Fever (2002)

SYNOPSIS: 5 college kids embark on a vacation deep into the mountains when Karen gets the bubbling skin grown that causes them to turn on each other. (Not turn-on, turn on.)
HIGHS: Canoe is the best way to get help. But only if you're wearing full makeup. Listerine for the unit. DBS (Death By Shovel), also known as DBS (Death By Screwdriver)
LOWS: Sweet young dude receding hairline :(
MEMORABLE LINES: FU Guy "This marshmallow is SO burnt." About the Crazy Old Dude on Fire "I think the rain will put him out."

Sammy: 0/10
Johnny: 1/10
Sian: 0/10

I Eat Your Skin (1964)

SYNOPSIS: Shagadellic voodoo zombie sacrifices + mad doctors + a famous writer. This is the greatest movie of all time!
HIGHS: Chubby man kicks his wife's ass - literally! In the street! YBVS (Young, Blonde, Virgin, Sacrifice)
LOWS: No actual skin eaten.
MEMORABLE LINES: "He looked up and there she was - as nature intended her to be." and "I'm taking you and your lover on vacation"
NOTES: To sixtify Enrique, you just say Enrico. Sammy likes to call it "I Eat Your Flesh"

Sammy: 0/10
Johnny: 1/10
Sian: .5/10

The Blair Witch Project (1999)

SYNOPSIS: In October of 1994, 3 student film makers disappeared in the woods. A y ear later, their footage was found.
HIGHS: Hairy nipples! Those are some attractive jeans Heather. High waisted is always in style. The snot!
LOWS: A shaky camera does not make it scary.
MEMORABLE LINES: Jon " I like the part with the blank screen" To the sticks: That's some fucking crazy shit, Mike "No rednecks are this creative.", Jon "I also like the part where they always shoot the ground."
NOTES: The cat made us jump more than the film. Good one Leon! We are being mean, but honestly, the scariest part was the very last scene. Definitely an interesting way to approach a horror movie.

Sammy: 6.5/10
Johnny: (a very generous) 1/10
Sian: 8.5/10

Halloween (1978)

SYNOPSIS: 15 years after killing his sister, Michael Myers escapes from a mental hospital and goes back to his hometown to re-live the crimes again, and again, and again...
HIGHS: Tarantula man. You can't expect Jamie Lee to carry a knife - it's so heavy!
LOWS: Michael Myers - He's everywhere! Even though he walks so slow...
MEMORABLE LINES: Annie - I hate a guy with a car and no sense of humour.

Sammy: 2/10
Johnny: 2/10
Sian: 5/10

Phantasm (1979)

SYNOPSIS: Unlike any fright film you've ever seen; 2 brothers discover that their local mortuary hides a legion of hooded killer dwarf creatures. If this one doesn't scare you - you're already dead!
HIGHS: A poor man's adolescent Mick Jagger, TIGHT pants, open shirt & a shotgun.
LOWS: BBF - Before Boxer Shorts. BYOGS (Bring Your Own.... we forget)
MEMORABLE LINES: Michael - Give me back my hand! Man see's boobs - "Wow" Kid - Ummmmmm.... oh shit! Tommy - This guy's not going to leak all over my ice cream, is he? Sian - I don't know what's going on!

Sammy: 4/10
Johnny: 2/10
Sian: 3/10

Beyond Re-Animator (2003)

SYNOPSIS: 14 years after the Miskatonic University Massacre, Dr. West finds himself in jail, experimenting on rats! But when young MD Howard turns up as the prison doc, Dr. West discovers something left behind all those years ago. Starring a poor man's Christina Applegate and Vincent Price.
HIGHS: Milk-loving zombie - all you need is tongue! Moose eats the rat. Rat snacking on dick (ew!).
LOWS: Surprisingly, NO LOWS!
MEMORABLE LINES: Prison Guard: Think about it; dubious. Prison Dude: This green shit rules. Now fuck off! Poor Man's George Michael (in the DVD extras - a music video!): Come, re-animate your feet!
NOTES: Special effects by Screaming Mad George. Don't miss the Re-Animator music video: Re-Animate your dead bones.

Sammy: 6/10
Johnny: 6.5/10
Sian: 8/10

The Unborn (2009)

SYNOPSIS: The unborn twin of a poor-man's Megan Fox comes back to haunt her 20 years later.
HIGHS: Ant-bee in the cracked egg. Toilet bowl bugs. Eli the crawling cripple with the upside down head.
LOWS: Preist/B-Ball coach - who knew?
MEMORABLE LINES: Boyfriend: Those glasses are giving me wood! and One minute she's fine, and then she has a bitch-flip! Creepy Kid: He doesn't want you to help her. Friend: Fuck off you little shit!

Sammy: 5/10
Johnny: 4/10
Sian: 7/10
Polly: 7/10
Dimmy: 6/10

[Rec] (2007)

SYNOPSIS: An ambitious TV reporter follows a firefighting crew on a rescue mission, when things take an unexpectedly dark turn.
HIGHS: Holy giant microphone Batman! Needle to the face - that's what happens when you fall 3 stories. The first movie in a long time that had some genuine scary bits. Me likey.
LOWS: Starts off fairly slow.
MEMORABLE LINES: Reporter: Have you lived here long? Mexican poor man's Vincent Price: Yes. With my lover.

Sammy: 8/10
Johnny: 7/10

Memory (2006)

SYNOPSIS: Imagine accidentally ingesting a strange powder while lecturing in Brazil - and being forced to re-live the twisted memories of a killer. With a surprise twist ending that will rock the very core of your existence!
HIGHS: A very beer-thirsty Dennis Hooper "It's Miller time, baby!" Red shoes - they rocked the core of our existence.
LOWS: Billy Zane's toupee is no match for Leo. Not even Billy Zane could save this movie.
MEMORABLE LINES: Not one. Ouch.

Sammy: 1/10
Johnny: 1/10
Sian: 1/10

My Bloody Valentine (2009)

SYNOPSIS: Has harry Warden returned from the dead? After 22 years of peace, a killer wearing a miner's mask terrorizes the town of Harmony with a pickax. Includes 4 pairs of 3-d glasses!
HIGHS: The Thunderbird Motel. A naked hooker & a midget! 3-d glasses definitely added some fun to this movie.
LOWS: Sheriff Axl? Naked hooker chase - because who stops for clothes when you're going to chase a dude with an empty gun?
MEMORABLE LINES: (Sian to Jon) Jon - I think you might be 3-d blind!

Sammy: 6.5/10
Johnny: 3/10
Sian: 7/10
Nick: no comment

The Howling (1981)

SYNOPSIS: TV newscaster Karen White takes time off after a near fatal encounter with a serial killer. At her secluded retreat, she ventures into the woods and must fight not only for her life, but for her soul.
HIGHS: Some sweet 'staches. Werewolf drool -> Arghhhh - complete wikth head shake.
LOWS: How did fur vests ever go out of style? Ultra slo-mo werewolf transformation.
MEMORABLE LINES: Not even one!

Sammy: .5/10
Jonhny: 1/10
Sian: .5/10

The House by the Cemetery (1981)

SYNOPSIS: Strange things happen when a family moves into a mansion next to a cemetery. They find a maggot-spewing zombie doctor living in the basement!
HIGHS: A beard & a turtleneck - two things Sammy enjoys in a man. Baby Mick Jagger (named BOB of all things) - lips! lips! lips! Freudstein! Gore-fest! Super intense eye closeups.
LOWS: Quality voice over skills. That's one mighty bat - death by scissors, Bob gets splattered. Tiny axe to the rescue.
MEMORABLE LINES: Real estate agent: Damn tombstone!

Sammy: 6/10
Johnny: 4/10
Sian: 5.5/10

The Legend of Hell House (1973)

SYNOPSIS: Exciting chiller about 4 psychic investigators and the dark, brooding mansion they call the "Mt. Everest" of haunted houses. It will thrill and delight from the first creaking door to the last slithering shadow.
HIGHS: Shadow sex scene (saucy!), attack (stuffed) black cat, sweet camera spin, staged zoom-in (dramatic!), kinky ghost sex (hot!).
LOWS: Dead cat in shower :(
MEMORABLE LINES: Possessed Miss Tanner to Roddy: You might have been hot stuff when you were fifteen, but now you're SHIT! Mrs. Barrett to Mr. Barrett: Can I help you with something? Mr. Barrett: No, it's too complicated. (In sexist, demeaning tone.)

Sammy: 5/10
Special Guest Panel:
Pin: 5/10
Ingrid: 4/10
Daniel: 5.5/10

The Blob (1988)

SYNOPSIS: A vile, malignant life-form crashes to earth - untroubled by intellect. It does only one thing - and it does it well!
HIGHS: So gross it's awesome! That's one crafty blob - who knew a blob could have tentacles? All the better to pull the victims in. Blob so scary - Johnny does not like. Some sweet mullets. Bruno bites it head-first down the drain. Blob-sicles.
LOWS: Surprisingly, none!
MEMORABLE LINES: Kevin Dillon: All I saw was an old man with a funky hand. Army Dude: Chew on that, slime ball! Movie Trailer: If it had a face, you could look it in the eye! Terror has no shape.
NOTES: Only the greatest movie with a blob EVER!

Sammy: 6/10
Johnny: 7.5/10
Sian: 6.8/10

Midnight Movie (2008)

SYNOPSIS: A psycho killer escapes from an asylum and returns years later to watch a screening of a slaughter film he wrote, directed and starred in back in the 70s.
HIGHS: Daniel Bonjour - a poor man's Luke Perry. 8 toes are hot!
LOWS: The magic fear monster.
MEMORABLE LINES: Biker Mamma: This toothpick give you a hard on? Biker Dude: Testosterone, babe! Hippie: Look - a leprechaun! Stop - I want to dance with him.

Sammy: 3/10
Johnny: 2/10
Sian: 2/10

The Wizard of Gore (2007)

SYNOPSIS: A crotch-stuffing Crispin Glover stars as the Wizard of Gore, a greasy-handed magician whose lovely assistants all turn up dead.
HIGHS: Blood wrestling and Brad Dourif as Billy bob Thrornton. Ghetto Alice Cooper. Sammy likes crotch-stuffing Crispin.
LOWS: Maggot eating. "Herbals in Your Mouth" - classy! Enough with the paper bag already.
MEMORABLE LINES: Ed: Make like a bunny and bounce.

Sammy: 4/10
Johnny: 3/10
Sian: 3/10

Let The Right One In (2008)

SYNOPSIS: A darkly atmospheric tale that also doubles as an enexpectedly tender tableau of adolescence. Originally in Swedish with some wicked subtitles!!!
HIGHS: Afro dog watching murder take place. Sweet Swedish cowboy boots on Oscar (he wore the same outfit throughout). Virginia - mauled by cats.
LOWS: Not even ONE murderous rampage.
MEMORABLE LINES: Teacher: Children, beware of the hole in the ice.
SAMMY SAYS: Way too long, mostly boring. The best scene is in the pool 5 minutes from the ending. Just fast forward to that.

Sammy: 3/10
Johnny: 2/10

Bubba Ho-Tep (2002)

SYNOPSIS: An ancient mummy starts sucking the souls out of senior's home residents leaving an elderly Elvis with a puss-filled boil on his dong to save the day.
HIGHS: Flashing of the "Love Nest". Sian likes dialogue
LOWS: Dong cream application - GROSS!
MEMORABLE LINES: Elvis to Roach: A big bitch roach like you should know; you never fuck with the king. Old Black Dude: Would you like a ding dong? I don't mean mine. I mean a chocolate one...actually mine'd be chocolate too.

Sammy: 4/10
Johnny: 3/10
Sian: 5/10

Sleepaway Camp 3 (1989)

SYNOPSIS: Transsexual psycho Angela Baker joins some horny teens and Melanie Griffith's sister for death by axe, firecrackers, lawn mower and stick.
HIGHS: "Milk Shake" boob tats. Bra optional. Death by stick. Fornicators.
LOWS: Tina Turner wig.
MEMORABLE LINES: Black Dude: Suck my dick, Spic. Ginger: Tony, what's it like being in a gang? Tony: You know, baggy pants, low-riders and bandannas.

Sammy: 2/10
Johnny: 2/10
Sian: 3/10
Rob: 3/10

Sleepaway Camp 2 (1988)

SYNOPSIS: Transsexual lunatic Angela Baker (yes, the sister of Bruce Springstein) is about to teach bad campers a brutal lesson in survival amidst gratuitous nudity and rampant mullets.
HIGHS: Panty Raid! Rampant Mullets. Jockstrap Raid! Death by toilet!
LOWS: Would you believe, none? Except maybe that the girl on the DVD jacket is way hotter than the real Angela.
MEMORABLE LINES: "What happened to the killer?" "I heard she's playing the dark-haired girl in the Facts of Life." Brad: I live with my Dad. We get along OK but he's a young guy. He needs some time to himself. Cowgirl: Ain't no skin off my tits.

Sammy: 6/10
Johnny: 2.5/10
Sian: 9.5/10
Rob: 5/10

Black Sheep (2006)

SYNOPSIS: A frenzy of severed limbs and manic mutton, definitely not for the weak of heart, where mutant flesh-eating sheep run amok in rural New Zealand.
HIGHS: White rubber bots. Toonces, the driving sheep. Tiny genetically mutated sheep sitting on Grant's shoulder.
LOWS: The blooper reel.
MEMORABLE LINES: Henry "It's not about the sheep. I have other issues to resolve." Experience "You're a tree!" Henry "I'm not a tree, I'm a fucking sheep!" Sammy "It's a lot of fun actually!"

Sammy: 7/10
Johnny: 6/10
Sian: 8/10
Rob: 9/10